What is Domestic Violence?

Unfortunately inaccurate definitions have surfaced and rumored within society that it is simply a couple having a disagreement or at worst having a “fight.” On the contrary there is much more involved in domestic violence than just a domestic dispute. Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in an intimate relationship that is used to gain power and control over an individual. It is a prevalent problem in our society.

Signs of domestic violence are verbal, mental, economic, sexual, and physical abuse. Some behaviors within an abusive relationship are dominance, humiliation, isolation, threats, intimidation, hitting, forcing of sexual acts, and financial control. Domestic violence is not discriminatory. It doesn’t matter what your race is, your age, gender, sexual orientation, etc.; domestic violence can happen to anyone.

Perceptions, and thus definitions, of domestic violence abuse vary from individual to individual. Actions that are viewed by one as normal or acceptable might be considered abuse by another. Although there are a wide range of abusive tactics, there are four general categories of domestic violence abuse: physical, mental/emotional/psychological, sexual, and economic/financial.

Physical abuse is the use of physical force against another person that injures the person, or puts the person at risk of being injured. Some acts include: pushing, throwing, kicking, slapping, grabbing, hitting, punching, beating, choking, shaking, biting, holding, restraining, confinement, assault with a weapon such as a knife or gun, burning, and murder.

Mental, psychological, and/or emotional abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. “Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner consists of more subtle actions or behaviors than physical abuse. While physical abuse might seem worse, the scars of verbal and emotional abuse are deep. Studies show that verbal or nonverbal abuse can be much more emotionally damaging than physical abuse” (De Benedictis, Jaffe, and Segal 2006).

Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner may include: threatening or intimidating to gain compliance, a way of instilling fear of further violence, yelling or screaming, name-calling, constant harassment, embarrassing, making fun of, or mocking the victim, either alone within the household, in public, or in front of family or friends, criticizing or diminishing the victim’s accomplishments or goals, not trusting the victim’s decision-making, telling the victim that they are worthless on their own, without the abuser, excessive possessiveness, isolation from friends and family, excessive checking-up on the victim to make sure they are at home or where they said they would be, saying hurtful things while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and using the substance as an excuse to say the hurtful things, blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels, making the victim remain on the premises after a fight, or leaving them somewhere else after a fight, just to “teach them a lesson”, and making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship (www.thereislifeafterabuse.com).

Sexual abuse is often easier to identify because of the specific acts involved and areas of focus. Some examples of sexual abuse are sexual assault: forcing someone to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity; sexual harassment: ridiculing another person to try to limit their sexuality or reproductive choices; and sexual exploitation (such as forcing someone to look at pornography, or forcing someone to participate in pornographic film-making) (De Benedictis, Jaffe, and Segal 2006).

Economic or financial abuse includes: withholding economic resources such as money or credit cards, stealing from or defrauding a partner of money or assets, exploiting the intimate partner’s resources for personal gain, withholding physical resources such as food, clothes, necessary medications, or shelter from a partner, and preventing the spouse or intimate partner from working or choosing an occupation (De Benedictis, Jaffe, and Segal 2006).

Research has shown that domestic violence is a learned behavior (through observation, experience, reinforcement, culture, family, community) and is rarely caused by substance abuse, genetics, stress, illness or problems in the relationship, although these factors are often used as excuses and can exacerbate violent behavior (PCADV 2012).

Data suggests that women are more likely than men to be perceived as the victim in a domestic violence situation because statistically women report domestic violence more often than men do. When domestic violence is mentioned in the media, quoted in a news article, almost every time, the female is the victim and the male is the offender. Why is the portrait that is painted about domestic violence filled with women? Is it because the people that are reporting are women and therefore the assumption is that they are the victim?

Women are seen as the weaker sex and therefore are usually the ones being dominated by their male partners. Women are often vulnerable, trusting, and emotional. These are all characteristics that can be endearing but they can also be characteristics that offenders prey on. Female victims have traits that offenders see as weaknesses and they use them to abuse and manipulate the woman.

As we know, domestic violence does not specifically target sexually intimate relationships; it can also be classified with intimate familial relationships. Although men are the primary offenders in a domestic violence situation they are not exclusive. The power and control that is the driving force behind domestic violence does not start nor stop with a sexual intimate relationship. There are women who are victims of domestic violence by their own immediate family. People they have known for their entire lives can abuse them and use the advantage of being family as a means to control them.

Authorities assume that when someone reaches out for help they are the victim in the situation. This is not the case in all circumstances. The offender is a master manipulator and knows how to use the system to their advantage. Unfortunately this happens often with protection from abuse cases. Both parties file and it is up to the courts to decide who the “real” victim is. Women are still the majority of victims of domestic violence but could this be because men don’t report as often? Or are the statistics correct that women are more likely to be the victim in a domestic violence situation?

De Benedictis, Tina., Jaffe, Jaelline. Segal, Jeanne. 2006. “Domestic Violence and Abuse: Types, Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Effects.”  Retrieved May 23, 2012 (http://www.aaets.org/article144.htm)

Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence. 2012.“Domestic Violence Information Center: An Overview of Domestic Violence.” Retrieved May 23, 2012 (http://www.pcadv.org/Domestic-Violence-Information-Center/)

There is Life After Abuse. 2012. “Verbal, Emotional, Mental, Psychological Abuse.”Retrieved May 23, 2012 (http://www.thereislifeafterabuse.com/Page.html)